...peaceful...

The snow has stopped falling for now. There's a pristine blanket of snow hugging the earth, wrapping it in a sense of fresh and calm and clean. All the noise in the world couldn't detract from the quiet acceptance of what is unchangeable...the weather, the past, life on life's terms. Winter reminds me that what is, just is. I find peace in that thought.

It's not about how I got here. That's the past. What matters is the answer to this, "Where do I go from here? Where do I WANT to go from here?"

Hmmm....

Well, it is the little things in life. I want to get a hair cut. My bangs are driving me nuts again. Hair is so annoying...and baffling. Do I get it cut short like I usually do so I don't have to mess with it for a long time? Do I just get a trim? I like the way it looks mostly. It's just those damn bangs getting in my eyes.

Of course, getting it cut today is just setting myself up. We are supposed to be doing the 'soup and story' thing at church. There's this gal there who always comments on my hair cuts. She starts out pleasant enough, saying it looks good....EXCEPT MY BANGS AREN'T EVEN! EVERY TIME! Well, I am in a feisty mood, so I may just enjoy bantering with her. There's a character defect or shortcoming in that. LMAO

Forgiving her would be the high road.

I'm still learning about forgiveness though. I learn a little more with each lesson. I was thinking about the connotation of 'good.' There'd be no good if there was no bad to measure it against. It's kind of a tally sheet for life when I look at it that way, but life isn't so much a tally sheet. Life is a journey, a process, one hell of a ride sometimes.

I think about that old ARMY commercial, where they want to make you "all that you can be." Hmm...there's a lot of that 'all' in me that aint so good. STUMBLING BLOCKS. But, if I turn that into trying to be the best that I can be I can find the path again. STEPPING STONES.

Yes, indeed, where do I go from here? CHOICES! I can make good ones or bad ones. There's that dichotomy again. Hmm...

DIRECTION! I like that concept. It works with my journey analogy. Life isn't about standing still. Sobriety isn't about standing still. If I'm not walking away from a drink or a drug, then I am most certainly walking toward my next one.

WHERE DO I WANT TO GO FROM HERE?

WHAT'S THE NEXT RIGHT THING?

I can start in a direction and then choose another. Nothing is carved in stone. I won't always make the best decisions but that doesn't mean that I can't make other/better/different decisions later.

I am right where I am supposed to be, but I am not where I am supposed to stay. Everything that I have done up until this moment has gotten me here. For that, I am grateful. I like where I am at today. I like who I am today. My past is the bridge that brought me to this new land of hope and opportunity. It is up to me from here on out...