the picturesque fall exploding with colors galore
the solitude and subtle colors of winter's grandeur
which give rise to springs rebirth in vibrant display
to birth summer into full bloom with nature's array
in the delicate features of the most fragrant of flowers
or the sacred stillness of life in the morn's wee hours
till the pace of time of takes off with glorious sunlight
offer opportunity for faux and fancy to take real flight
life pulses on one resounding beat at a time
offering wealth of experience subtle and sublime
madness and mayhem muffled by the mundane
serenity the champion conquers the most inane
the insatiable human heart echoes of love's longing
lamenting hollowness like the waylaid song bird
as miracle expands within to find a full faith
wisp of the human spirit drifting as a wraith
smile upon countenance I know from the inside out
this is fodder that produces the gratitude I'm talking about
so much I can say yet there is that for which words fail
deep inside I reach to touch gentle soul's billowing sail
not simply a single moment of being in this grateful place
it's perpetual maneuvering on gratitude's buoyant grace
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Gratefully yours...
I was talking with Mel today. It's been a little while since I've put together a gratitude list. Hmm..what's that about? Well, there is only one way to correct that so here goes...
I am grateful for
...the sun and the moon and stars in the sky
...the clouds that bring rain and the ones that just drift by
...the fish and the turtles and the sea creatures of all kinds
...the beasts of the land and the birds that fly on the wind
...family and friends who stand beside me through thick and thin
...all the people who challenge me to be the best I've ever been
...all the good times that bring a smile to my face
...even the most disconcerting times I can embrace
...the picture of the fall exploding with colors galore
...the solitude and subtle colors of winter's grandeur
...which give rise to springs rebirth in vibrant display
...to bring summer to full bloom with nature's array
...in the delicate features of the most fragrant of flowers
...or the sacred stillness of life in the morn's wee hours
...till the pace of time of takes off with glorious sunlight
...offering opportunity for fancy to take real flight
...life pulses on one beat at a time
...offering experience subtle and sublime
...madness and mayhem muffled by the mundane
...serenity's victory conquers the most inane
...with the human heart echoing love and faith
...wisp of the human spirit drifting as a wraith
...smile upon countenance I know from the inside out
...what in the world would would I be ungrateful about?
Just some stray thoughts...and I think I have a poem in the midst of all that. Let's see how that plays out. NO FILM AT 11! LOL
I am grateful for
...the sun and the moon and stars in the sky
...the clouds that bring rain and the ones that just drift by
...the fish and the turtles and the sea creatures of all kinds
...the beasts of the land and the birds that fly on the wind
...family and friends who stand beside me through thick and thin
...all the people who challenge me to be the best I've ever been
...all the good times that bring a smile to my face
...even the most disconcerting times I can embrace
...the picture of the fall exploding with colors galore
...the solitude and subtle colors of winter's grandeur
...which give rise to springs rebirth in vibrant display
...to bring summer to full bloom with nature's array
...in the delicate features of the most fragrant of flowers
...or the sacred stillness of life in the morn's wee hours
...till the pace of time of takes off with glorious sunlight
...offering opportunity for fancy to take real flight
...life pulses on one beat at a time
...offering experience subtle and sublime
...madness and mayhem muffled by the mundane
...serenity's victory conquers the most inane
...with the human heart echoing love and faith
...wisp of the human spirit drifting as a wraith
...smile upon countenance I know from the inside out
...what in the world would would I be ungrateful about?
Just some stray thoughts...and I think I have a poem in the midst of all that. Let's see how that plays out. NO FILM AT 11! LOL
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tired...
Well, my doctor's office called today. I have an appointment on November 2nd to discuss what to do about my anemia. That feels like such a looong way off. I am sick and tired of being so tired. A couple hours after I get up, I am ready for a looooong nap. I tend to fight that urge. I don't do the 20 minute power nap thing...never did. When I sleep I dedicate myself to the task at hand...for quite a while.
I could live without the ever-present headache and frequent dizziness and the fog I operate out of most of the time. And the sad part is, that's the stuff that isn't so very bad at all.
Early Tuesday morning (a litte after 4 AM) I woke up in pain. I tried to go back to sleep but only managed to toss and turn. At 10 AM I put o n the lidoderm patch...in the groin and on my lower back. I'm not sure what exactly they are supposed to do cause it really did nothing for me. So I kept in on the full 12 hours while taking ibuprofen to try to deal with the pain. I went about my usual activities. I've really come to resent that this pain comes and steals my days like it does. It's exhausting and frustrating and annoying and leaves me feeling like I am at wits end. The old saying, "when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" comes to mind. I am hanging onto that knot.
Late Tuesday/early Wednesday (3 AMish) I finally called the doctor on call. I had tried everything I could think of and nothing was working. The pain was unbearable...downright vicious. I am grateful that it is not a constant thing but even this recurring thing is getting to me. I called Generations answering service who had a nice doctor call me back, rather promptly at that. She was n ice enough and I was rather pleasant. I really didn't have the energy to be anything but pleasant. I had been in pain for almost 24 hours at that point. The doctor on-call suggested I go to the DKH ER. Those of you who know me, know I do not hold them in high regard. The last time I had been there they released me even though I was telling them I was in so much pain that I could not stand upright. They brought a wheel chair in so I could crawl into it and wheel myself out. Instead, I waited the additional 20-30 minutes for the pain to subside and hobbled out of their ER.
Sooo, when the on-call gal suggested I go there, I told her something to the effect that I didn't think you could get much service there unless you had a gun. Now I explained to her my last experience with them and how my wording was an expression of frustration with their system. She seemed to get that. She acknowledged that it must be very frustrating for me to be going through this for going on 6 months. She didn't seem unduly concerned with my off-the-cuff comment. She didn't have the police come to my door or anything.
Well, I tried to sleep but the pain just wasn't having it. I was desperate so I asked Mel to bring me to the ER. They put me in triage, asked my name and birth date and then the Putnam police arrived. They asked me why I had threatened to come to the ER with a weapon. I told them I had not done that and related what I had actually said. In the course of talking to them they determined that Troop D had jurisdiction cause I had talked to the doctor from my apartment. So then, Troop D comes in and asks me why I threatened to come to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So I explained to them what had transpired.
Troop D gave me a summons/ticket/whateverthehellyoucallthedamnthing with a court date. Then they left me there to be treated.
I get in the room and the nurse asks me about my physical complaint...a conversation that lasted all of a couple of minutes...and then proceeds to drill me about why I had called and said I was coming to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So, I calmly explained to her what I had actually said. She kept asking questions about specifics for 15 or 20 minutes. I wasn't sure what the point of that was. She wasn't qualified to do a psych eval...I mean the nurses just don't do that sort of thing.
Anyway, I got to hang out in the room for a while and then saw the doctor who poked and prodded and looked at blood test results and stuff like doctor's do. No answers there but I wasn't expecting any. I've kinda given up expecting that someone is gonna tell me what the hell is going on and why I am in extreme pain sometimes.
The doctor came back into the room and asked me if I really meant it when I said I was going to come to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So I explained yet again.
Does anyone out there want to ask me why I threatened to come to the ER with a gun? LMAO...it's a damn good thing I enjoy repeating myself.
I know I used a poor choice of words, for sure, no doubt. I have to go to court and tell that to the powers that be. In this day and age, saying 'son of gun' could get a body in trouble. I'd like to tell you what I was thinking when I said, but I surely was not thinking. I was too tired and in too much pain for too long and my brain was not functioning properly.
It did make me realize that I need help to negotiate this medical system. I can't fight this battle without wiser folks than me on my side. I don't know how this will all work out...it will be what it is gonna be. But I would like to know what is happening and why the pain keeps coming back. After six months of this, I don't think that is too much to ask. Is it?
I could live without the ever-present headache and frequent dizziness and the fog I operate out of most of the time. And the sad part is, that's the stuff that isn't so very bad at all.
Early Tuesday morning (a litte after 4 AM) I woke up in pain. I tried to go back to sleep but only managed to toss and turn. At 10 AM I put o n the lidoderm patch...in the groin and on my lower back. I'm not sure what exactly they are supposed to do cause it really did nothing for me. So I kept in on the full 12 hours while taking ibuprofen to try to deal with the pain. I went about my usual activities. I've really come to resent that this pain comes and steals my days like it does. It's exhausting and frustrating and annoying and leaves me feeling like I am at wits end. The old saying, "when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" comes to mind. I am hanging onto that knot.
Late Tuesday/early Wednesday (3 AMish) I finally called the doctor on call. I had tried everything I could think of and nothing was working. The pain was unbearable...downright vicious. I am grateful that it is not a constant thing but even this recurring thing is getting to me. I called Generations answering service who had a nice doctor call me back, rather promptly at that. She was n ice enough and I was rather pleasant. I really didn't have the energy to be anything but pleasant. I had been in pain for almost 24 hours at that point. The doctor on-call suggested I go to the DKH ER. Those of you who know me, know I do not hold them in high regard. The last time I had been there they released me even though I was telling them I was in so much pain that I could not stand upright. They brought a wheel chair in so I could crawl into it and wheel myself out. Instead, I waited the additional 20-30 minutes for the pain to subside and hobbled out of their ER.
Sooo, when the on-call gal suggested I go there, I told her something to the effect that I didn't think you could get much service there unless you had a gun. Now I explained to her my last experience with them and how my wording was an expression of frustration with their system. She seemed to get that. She acknowledged that it must be very frustrating for me to be going through this for going on 6 months. She didn't seem unduly concerned with my off-the-cuff comment. She didn't have the police come to my door or anything.
Well, I tried to sleep but the pain just wasn't having it. I was desperate so I asked Mel to bring me to the ER. They put me in triage, asked my name and birth date and then the Putnam police arrived. They asked me why I had threatened to come to the ER with a weapon. I told them I had not done that and related what I had actually said. In the course of talking to them they determined that Troop D had jurisdiction cause I had talked to the doctor from my apartment. So then, Troop D comes in and asks me why I threatened to come to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So I explained to them what had transpired.
Troop D gave me a summons/ticket/whateverthehellyoucallthedamnthing with a court date. Then they left me there to be treated.
I get in the room and the nurse asks me about my physical complaint...a conversation that lasted all of a couple of minutes...and then proceeds to drill me about why I had called and said I was coming to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So, I calmly explained to her what I had actually said. She kept asking questions about specifics for 15 or 20 minutes. I wasn't sure what the point of that was. She wasn't qualified to do a psych eval...I mean the nurses just don't do that sort of thing.
Anyway, I got to hang out in the room for a while and then saw the doctor who poked and prodded and looked at blood test results and stuff like doctor's do. No answers there but I wasn't expecting any. I've kinda given up expecting that someone is gonna tell me what the hell is going on and why I am in extreme pain sometimes.
The doctor came back into the room and asked me if I really meant it when I said I was going to come to the ER with a weapon. UGH! So I explained yet again.
Does anyone out there want to ask me why I threatened to come to the ER with a gun? LMAO...it's a damn good thing I enjoy repeating myself.
I know I used a poor choice of words, for sure, no doubt. I have to go to court and tell that to the powers that be. In this day and age, saying 'son of gun' could get a body in trouble. I'd like to tell you what I was thinking when I said, but I surely was not thinking. I was too tired and in too much pain for too long and my brain was not functioning properly.
It did make me realize that I need help to negotiate this medical system. I can't fight this battle without wiser folks than me on my side. I don't know how this will all work out...it will be what it is gonna be. But I would like to know what is happening and why the pain keeps coming back. After six months of this, I don't think that is too much to ask. Is it?
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