Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Manic Monday...Manic Tuesday...Manic Wednesday...

I walked to the morning meeting at the club today. What a glorious day for walking! Afterward, I went over to the gym at the community center and worked out for a bit then walked home. I landed long enough to check my emails and do a couple of chores here before heading out to the college.

I managed to find the 9-volt battery to stop the damn smoke detector from chirping in that annoying manner that only a smoke detector can succeed in chirping in. Small victories count when the alternative is defeat at the hands of an inexpensive electronic nuisance. I have a smoke detector in my kitchen and in my bedroom (less than 6 feet apart) and I have one at the bottom of the stairwell by the door. I should think one in the attic would have been in order as well. That seems like a more likely place for a fire to start undetected. Duh! Well, 3 of those things in a 3 room apartment is surely enough for my standards.

On the way to the college Lisa from church stopped (actually she turned around and then stopped) to ask if I needed a ride. I was a few feet from the entrance to QV at that point. I am continually amazed that people find it damn near impossible to believe that I walk because I enjoy walking. I find an empowerment in it that I truly enjoy. It comes with a sense of independence and accomplishment. I find it reinforces all the positive things that I am doing. Keep in mind, this is just not my mania speaking. I feel this all the time when I set upon whatever journey putting one foot in front of the other. It's what I do. It's become a part of who I am.

Joey wants me to keep his car here for him while he is in the island doing his thing. The guy at the garage says it does not start which is just fine by me. I think about how easy it would be to get into those old ("bad") habits of just hopping in a car and going. It's nice for shopping and big errands to have access to a vehicle which is something I can usually negotiate if need be. This different pace of life is so much a joy to me. I also enjoy the fact that I am not spending almost all my disposable income on gas and insurance and taxes and registration and repairs. I get to make other choices on how I spend my money. That's pretty kewl.

Back from the tangent...

I got to the college and couldn't find Ann...the reason I had gone over there in the first place. I had a lovely conversation with SuHa. We chatted for a bit and then I headed to the auditorium where I caught up with Ann. We had a nice visit. I got to sign her quilt. Funny, I knew I was gonna sign it 'Puppet' cause I put some thought into that but I did not take the time to think out what message I was gonna write. Details! Details! Details! I figured it out. The thoughts always come and the words follow. It wasn't profound but it was real and that's the important part to me.

I hiked home and managed to do a few more chores. There's always something to do, isn't there? Well, that's good for me right now. I have lots of energy and I NEED to work it off. I called and arranged my ride from Price Chopper to the "Never on Time" meeting in the morning. I will take the transit bus up to Putnam. I like the convenience of the bus. It does get me to where I need to go in a reasonably timely sort of fashion.

I made a slamming supper. I had started to marinate the pork chop yesterday so it had time to be delightfully flavorful. YUM! Then I fried up some spinach in olive oil with onion, garlic, salt, pepper and Romano cheese and topped the meal off with half of one of those mini corn muffins. They are so cute! I have a full dinner for tomorrow night with the leftovers. If you think cooking for one or two is difficult, it's just cause you aint cooked for my diet!!! It's challenging to say the least. I want to make big batches of everything. Well, I am getting better...progress not perfection.

I hoofed it to the meeting tonight. It was well worth it. The speaker was incredible. I found a missing piece of my puzzle, as it were. Folks talk about how they had good times partying, how they used to drink socially and I have never 'gotten' that. For me it was about dissolving that barrier so I felt like a part of the crowd. I used it to create the illusion that I didn't feel like an outsider but without a substance I always did. Getting sober has changed that in ways I can't quite comprehend so explaining them is not gonna happen at this point. More clarity will come with time. It always has.

I was sitting in the meeting at toward the end all hyped up. I was having trouble sitting still. I could feel the energy of the mania coursing through me. It gets pretty intense at times. I had tried cutting back on my caffeine, telling myself that was the cause. I knew better but I didn't want to acknowledge that. Now, granted, caffeine is not my friend about now. I really don't need any substance giving me any more energy.

I left a message for my doctor and my therapist a couple of days ago but haven't heard from them. Time flies with this mania. I've lost track of the fact that was Monday when I called them. The agency has communication issues and they don't always deliver messages as they should. Been there done that on this one before. So, I put a note on my desk calendar to call tomorrow. This flying without a net crap is just that...CRAP! It is up to me to be proactive. I have to pay attention to not letting time fly by me. This IS my life after all. Who better to live it than me? Who better to take charge of the parts of it that need to be taken charge of?

I could keep writing for hours. REALLY! My racing thoughts do not require documentation however. I need to do what I have to do online and then get my computer shut down so I can get to bed at a decent hour. I have an early wake up call. Besides, giving in to the urge to stay up late and get up early just compounds the problem. Proper sleep is essential, especially now.

So, I'm zipping outta here!

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