Some days are diamonds...and some aint!

Saturday I had an opportunity to go roller skating. It was the first time in something like 18 years...give or take a few months. I had a blast!!! I forgot how much I enjoyed doing that. I skated for probably a little over an hour and never fell down once! AMAZING! I did have to catch myself quite a few times and I did think I was going ass over teakettle a couple of times but I managed to stay up. I got steadier and steadier as I continued.

The last time I skated, I was a lot heavier and went down with a thud much to the chagrin of those watching me...and my poor knee. I hadn't dared to get on roller skates since...well, until Saturday. I felt like I was getting in touch with a part of me that got left by the wayside. It was a very kewl experience, one I want to have again and again. Roller skating is one of those things written on my heart, one of my loves, one of the enthusiasms of my youth. I'm grateful it is still there.

I ended up getting snowed in at Carrie's grandmother's Saturday night. I had a good time, watched a bit of TV, got to talk to Robyn and Kymmy. It was a peaceful thang. Then I managed to get a ride to church (and back) on Sunday morning and even made it to a meeting on Sunday night. What a great weekend in most respects.

I asked that my name be removed from the roster at the club. It's a money thing. It's a chaos thing. It's a "I feel like a freeloader and shouldn't be there" thing. It was so nice to have that pointed out to me so succinctly in a public venue. Feeling humiliated, out-numbered and vulnerable is not what I do best. I did manage to handle it well in public. It's the internal stuff. I grew up being told that one's worth was their net worth. It was always about the financial standard and by that standard I am "less than" and probably always will be. Funny how something can throw me back into that way of thinking so easily. I'll figure out how to work it through. I'll talk to some people. I'll come out the other side so much better for the experience. But, all that takes time. TIME: THINGS I MUST ENDURE.

I'd give my right arm for a pair of roller skates and rink right now. I want that feeling and not this one. Oh, well.