It's Looking Gooooood!!!

Well, the numbers crunched so the next stage is the inspection of the premises by those thar inspection peoples. I saw nothing they should have issue with so I do believe it will be smooth sailing from here. Time, of course, will prove me right or wrong on that count.

After all, this was the 3rd apartment in the lot. The first didn't work out. The second had a landlady from hell. And, now I am guardedly optimistic. This is the BEST apartment out of the three anyway. I do believe all will be well...regardless.

I am one big itch again...not sure what that is about. The Gold Bond cream is working. Thank goodness!!! That cortisone stuff has always been rather worthless with any kind of rash I've had. My ankles are sore to the touch. I called the doctor about the ankle thing. She said it could wait until my regularly scheduled appointment on the 19th. They are really sensitive though. Putting on creams or lotions is painful, but the dry skin aint so comfy either. Jeepers! Seems it is always something, eh? Well, if I don't make contact then there is no pain. So, I guess if it hurts, maybe I ought not do it. Whoda thunk?

My suspicions were correct. I found out today someone went out last night. That sucks! Not a damn thing I can do about it. I can't work someone else's program. I know that. It does remind me how insidious this disease is. There's no letting down one's guard...my guard. I've seen addiction kill...been to the funerals to prove it. Constant vigilance...and attitude. Being complacent is a sure fire way to get picked off.

I keep hearing the line in the Jerry Reed song, "Lord, Mr. Ford" where he talks about being 4 days lost on a clover leaf. I understand that and it's not about traffic. It took me a long time to figure out I was going nowhere fast. Others have to come to that same conclusion on their own. That's just not the type of thing you can tell someone and MAKE them believe it. Of course, that is frustrating and scary and a whole host of other emotional things. Most importantly, it reminds me that I need a map, a way of navigating that wasn't built into my brain...a dozen steps, lots of tools, faith that it will all get better if I stay away from one drink (or one drug) for one day and the immutable belief that I cannot do it alone....I NEED HELP! I know that stuff works when I work it so I will continue to work it cause I am worth it...and because staying is easier than coming back again and again. That merry-go-round was never very merry.

People pay dearly for the lessons the rest of us learn. This is a fatal, progressive disease that CAN be arrested...but there are never any guarantees. However, paying attention isn't a bad way to hedge one's bet.

Some people can have A drink. I'm not one of those people. Whenever anyone asks me if I wanted A drink, I envision a 55 gallon drum with a handle on it and chuckle because that would just be a start. I have the disease of more. For me, the only way to win is not to play.

Have a good night, one and all! I am going to lay my head down and thank my higher power for another day of sobriety. It really is a precious gift.