TRY IT, YOU'LL LIKE IT!!!

HIGH PROTEIN PANCAKES

I started with the Harvest Hill Light and Fluffy pancake mix...and improvised. But the recipe came out so well, I just wanted to share it with folks!

MAKES 7 PANCAKES (store extras in a sealed container in fridge...they reheat well in microwave!)

2/3 c. pancake mix 400 calories, 8 g. protein
1 large egg 150 calories, 12 g. protein
2 scoops of protein powder 200 calories, 36 g. protein (will vary by brand)
1/2 cup of 1% milk 51 calories, 4 g. protein (more or less to taste)
1/4 c. ground flax seed 240 calories, 12 g. protein

135 CALORIES PER PANCAKE 10 GRAMS OF PROTEIN EACH

I added a tablespoon of peanut butter on my pancake for another 100 calories and an additional 5 grams of protein.

I've also made peanut butter and jelly pancakes using the above recipe with a tablespoon of peanut butter and tablespoon of my favorite sugar free jelly which added 35 more calories.

And yes, I use a sugar free pancake syrup that adds 35 calories or less (I use way less than the 1/4 cup it counts as a serving on my single pancake).

I am going to try some fresh fruit to rev up this recipe. I suspect a small amount will go a long way flavor wise and fruit eaten with protein is the best way to have it do its fat fighting thing. Well, that's what those nutrition people keep saying anyway.

I'm liking this experimenting with cooking that I am doing. It's lots of fun, very productive and tastes good too!!! Woohoo!

AGAIN!!!

I got this email entitled "Eisenhower warned us" which was very anti-Muslim. It really bothers me to continually get these types of emails. Muslims, as whole, do NOT deny the Holocaust. Yet, this and any other tidbit that aims to villainize Islam and its people circulates freely with no one questioning the veracity of the statements because WE, as Americans, believe Muslims in general were behind 9/11.

The September 11th attacks were in fact, perpetuated by terrorists, religious extremists, zealots. Those individuals no more represent Islam than those who have bombed abortion clinics represent Christianity. Whenever we seek out a social scapegoat we set the stage for yet another holocaust. To hate a people based on their religious beliefs has been done...done to death as a matter of fact.

Islam is not the scourge of the earth. Muslims are not the spawn of Satan. Each faith, each people, each country holds within itself the potential for great evil. In tearing down the walls that separate us...faith, culture, political boundaries...we create the potential for great good. When we stop highlighting the differences between us and start seeing the connections we all share, then and only then, will the world begin to heal from the hatred and destructiveness.



There is much anti-Muslim propaganda. Schools in Britain are not about to stop teaching about the Holocaust and the Muslim population is not necessarily in favor of that happening. Check out this link...

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/holocaust.asp


For at least one Muslim view of the holocaust...check out this link...

http://www.dhuha.net/en/content/islam/counseling/muslim-view-about-holocaust


and this is an interesting piece as well...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmEw5M-xK64


There is a lot of anti-Muslim sentiment out there from which emerges much untruth in the same way that anti gay sentiment paints all gays as child molesting, family wrecking, heathens with no regard for God and country. A stereotype is not just the image that others have of me and mine, it also includes all the preconceived notions that I have about others. I need to find what those preconceived notions are so I can seek the truth to live in the light.

Think about it...

Life goes on...

Brought Annie up to Worcester for her dental work today. Damn! No wonder she is gets so uptight. She got there for 9:30 AM and wasn't done until 1 PM. That's a lot of time in the chair!

So I kicked around Worcester. Hit the Goodwill Store on Park Avenue....$4.99 for a t-shirt there...I did NOT buy one. Jeepers! I can get them for less brand new at the end of the season...and it's not like t-shirts really have a season. LOL I did find a pair of blue jean shorts and an Eddie Bauer shirt...very nice.

Yesterday was another hell day for me. I woke up in screaming pain...dealt with it. Well, it's not like I have any other option. I have noted that I've gone through 96 out of 100 acetaminophen this past month. Holy Moley, Mrs. Foley!!!

I came home early from my Wednesday night meeting (after I tossed my cookies...ICK!), took a bath and was in bed by 8 PM...for the night...down for the count. It was a restless night, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable...less downright painful position.

I would have tried to seek some medical help but pain...pain that has been casually dismissed on numerous occasions...does not make Sue a pleasant personality. I've put that on hold...till tomorrow morning. I am going back to my last doctor. I don't like the clinic atmosphere she works in, but I've always found her to be a good listener. Someone's got to start listening...real soon.

Tuesday we drove up to Riverview to visit with Ashley's clinician and with Ashley. I continue to be impressed with the quality of care and genuine concern expressed by those in 'the system.' The kid's got her issues...TBI, lower intellectual functioning, bipolar disorder and the kind of angry outbursts that have already gotten her a laundry list of charges in the juvenile system...but she can be the sweetest, most genuinely delightful person when she is stable. I don't know what the future holds for her, sometimes it gets scary to contemplate all the variables. Today she is in a safe place with competent care and quality professionals who are concerned with her best interests. Who could ask for anything more than that?

Mel was a bit apprehensive about meeting her. Ashley is still very attached to Kay though she hasn't seen or heard from Kay in well over six years. When she lived with her aunt, before she became too much for a traditional family setting to handle, she spent many weekends with us. Kay and I were respite care of sorts. The meeting went well. Ashley was very mellow...and quite tired. She had spent the night before chatting into the wee hours with another client who was leaving in the morning. Thus proving, kids are still kids no matter where you find them. LOL

She had had a rough week the week before. She has to earn privileges back if she wants to visit off-campus for her birthday. Either way, we will be going up on the 21st. If it is an on-grounds visit, we'll bring the cake and party with us. I'm hoping she earns the off-campus privilege though. I think it will do wonders for her morale. She always loves an outing. Well, what's not to like?

Time for me to be thinking of lights out. My doctor's appointment is at 8 AM in the morning. I will hit the streets around 7:30. It's only about a 12-15 minute walk from here but I want to be prompt.

Good night...wish me luck!! I am gonna need it.

...this just in...

Mel and I were talking. She says I have been "out of sorts" since the DKH ER visit.

Interesting. Odd.

I keep 'remembering' something. I'm not sure what it is I am remembering. It's a flash really. Nothing more. I remember the curtains..white or light colored...on those tracts like in the ER...there's a gurny or bed and maybe a table on the side like the old medical stands.

It's just a flash...a tidbit of a memory. I've had this memory before. I don't know where it comes from or what it is about. It seems like a hospital setting...all the beds...the curtains. I'm wearing something white...a johnny gown I think.

It comes with the rage. Does the rage bring it or does it bring the rage?

There's no doctor or nurse in the memory. Just me remembering that I was there for a split second and then poof, it's gone again!

I feel vulnerable in the memory. Scared. Maybe confused or maybe I am confused because I don't have any more of the memory than that and then the fool thing skedaddles. I'm there for an instant then I'm back.

It will go away. It always does. This memory will flash like a neon sign upon my consciousness then be gone as if it was never there.

The feelings will subside. I won't feel like I want to keep my back against the wall. I won't feel the vulnerability. I won't feel the fear. I won't feel the rage...the absolute deep, dark vile rage that surges to consciousness' shore when whatever it is that pries that memory to the surface dissipates allowing it to recede into the shadows once again.

Weird. Weird that this comes and takes me someplace...a place I have been before emotionally...with all the gut wrenching sense of immediacy as if I am there, living it, feeling it, dealing with it.

I wish I knew what hospital, what doctor's office...whatever. I want to know where I am going back to with this memory from hell. I want to find the demons that own this part of me so I can exorcise them.

I want to be on an island

away from every living breathing person on the planet

it hurts

people at meetings like to do the hugging thing

it hurts

people offered me rides home but I walked

I don't want to be near people

it hurts

I want to hit and punch and maime...not sure who or what matters

I just want to feel strong and powerful and safe by my own devices

the little girl wants to run and hide until she is strong enough to hurt everyone/anyone first

the soul cries by cringing, pulling back, hiding away

pain is the touchstone of progress...f*ck progress

WTF

If a man is screwing a woman and she says, "take it out" and he continues to do what he is doing...that is sexual asault.

If a trained medical professional is doing a pelvic exam on a woman and she says, "take it out" and the professional continues to do what they are doing that is standard medical practice.

Sorry f*cking world we live in!

Is it me?

Got an appointment with my therapist tomorrow first thing. I am so bummed today.

One of the medical assistants in New Haven said I should come to St. Raphael's ER yesterday, so I did. The rationale was that they had my records and I could see an intern from the surgical office. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

I saw some doctor and APRN in training who did not listen to me telling them to call the surgeon's office. They did not want to see the CT scan I had on me (from DKH) or compare it to past scans. They told me they were going to do a pelvic exam...silly me, I thought they were going to do a pelvic exam. What I got (two days before I see my own APRN for my annual gyn exam) was the opportunity for some student to test out her expertise under the direction of a doctor in a an ER with a nurse looking on. The exam was to see if my cervix was fryable (sp) that's all. I would not have agreed to that for a matter of two days. He told her to swab because there was a discharge but apparently that was only the flipping frying thing cause they don't 'do pelvic exams' in the ER. Well, that's what the idiot said after the fact.

Of course, when they put the speculum in and it hurt I told them to take it out but they proceeded. I remember why I hate doctors again. I really don't want to go for my exam tomorrow. I actually don't want to do go to another doctor's office until 911 takes my unconcious ass there against my conscience will.

I told one of them...either the doc or the trainee, that I thought morphine was overkill that Ultram was effective for the pain. Some time after 5 PM...I had been in pain since I woke up around 6-7 AM...the nurse arrived with a shot of morphine.

I had asked about the intern from my doctor's office in the ER when I got there. They waited till ALL the tests had come back to call the office...after 5 PM when MY records were not available and they talked to the doctor on call...who knew nothing about my case.

Repeat after me...WASTE OF F*CKING TIME! If I knew how to blow things up...they would be on my hit list. I so get why people 'lose' it. And, just for the record, I know it takes less for me to lose it than the average bear.

I don't know where to turn. Maybe, like my soon to be ex-PCP says, I will never feel that intense, burning pain in my groin ever again. It may never come back so what the hell am I so worried about? I won't be calling these idiots any more. If I can't take the pain I can always pick up so me ibuprofen and take care of the pain. Cause, it is that kind of pain and I'd rather risk blowing out my stomach than going to some medical asshole that I will have to bitch slap and leave in cuffs.

I think anyone who wants to be a doctor ought to have to be mistreated and discounted and pissed off by another medical professional before they can get their license. Actually, now that I think of it...ALL DOCTOR'S PROBABLY SPEND AN ETERNITY IN HELL GETTING JUST THAT TREATMENT. That'd be fitting justice if you ask me. And I know, you didn't ask me.

But hey, maybe it's just me. I know the difference between yesterday and today is that I AM hostile and belligerent. Doctor's make no sense for me at this point cause the first thing I want to do is tell the asshole to f*ck off and die...not discuss my symptoms.