HOPE...

Hope is...

...a newcomer getting up for a 24-hour coin or tag.
...a dear friend and power of example getting a 13 year medallion.
...a sober breath.
...pink hair.
...putting in the effort and hanging around to see what the outcome will be.
...watching someone asking how to let go of a resentment and then listening to suggestions.
...listening to someone share about how they deal with anger and resentment.
...trying something different to see if I get a better result.
...service work.
...honesty, open-mindedness and willingness.
...asking for help.
...not being mired in the muck of the problem(s) du jour.
...looking to the power of example of those who came before.
...being the example I want others to see in me.
...basking in the glory of daylight.
...seeking out the brightest star on the darkest night.
...setting my sail toward my destination believing I can catch the right wind.
...doing the next right thing.
...reaching my hand out.
...reaching out to the hand extended toward me.
...doing the do's.
...moving forever forward.
...knowing standing still is really about losing ground.
...a parent with a child in a meeting.
...going to a meeting instead of going to a party.
...asking how?
...listening to new ways of doing things that I could never imagine before.
...pink hair times two!
...the "we" part of the program.
...seeking what I need instead of what I want.
...one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time!
...the only commodity that really counts.
...the currency of the heart.
...almonds and cheese and refreshing swims and walking home on a warm night.
...the best, dearest friend a soul can embrace.

I have the disease of more. Therefore, there is never enough. There never will be enough. The only way to hold my own is to stop playing the game...just for today! What "I" can do, has never been enough. Left to my own devices, I cannot find hope. I need others, just like me...no matter how different we may seem...to help me along.

My disease offers hopelessness, darkness, helplessness, despair and desperation. It manifests itself in many different ways but none of them are good...none of them are positive...none of them are healthy. As an addict I can either live in my disease or live free from my disease. I can be mired in the muck or I can seek the hope that recovery offers. There is no middle ground, no half way point where I can exist in both worlds at once. It is an either/or proposition. when I try to hold my ground I live an illusion. If I am not moving away from my addictions then they are creeping up on me. That is an immutable fact of my existence.

It is hope that says I can make progress. Some of it is quick and some of it is halting. Some I resist until push comes to shove and I have no alternative but to change. Sometimes I embrace the needed change.

If I do today what I did yesterday, I have the hope that all will be well in the here and now. If I do tomorrow what I did today, then I can have hope for the future. Hope is not a default setting in my thinking. It is an acquired skill which I practice with more or less proficiency on any given day..but, I must practice it each and every day.

If I live in the positive...if I do the positive things I need to do...if I concentrate on doing the next right thing...then, and only then, have I accomplished the monumental feat of keeping myself going in a positive direction. That is how I live in hope. I can only do that to the best of my ability. Some days are surely better than others. Then again, any day I stay away from a drink or drug is a good day. I can rest at night knowing I have done that much right.

There's nothing today that a drink or a drug won't make a damn sight worse. If I don't do anything to make things worse, there's always hope that it will get better. Usually the "it" is me. LOL