A GRATEFUL HEART!!!

It took a lot to get me here. I messed up! I screwed up! I f*cked up! I spent a lot of time ripping and running. I ripped through life trying to run away from me, running from my emotions, running from my life, running from my responsibilities. It took a lot of running before I was ready to land squarely in sobriety, my feet planted in reality willing to deal with life on life's terms.

I made a lot of mistakes. I'm grateful for each and every one. They helped me to find the gift of desperation. They helped to break me. They helped me to reach out to my higher power and to a bunch of drunks for what I needed. I had to be broken for the real work to have a chance to begin.

I wouldn't change a thing about my past, sordid as some parts of it are notwithstanding. I had to go through what I went through. I had to find my own bottom. I like where I am at today. I like who I am today. I know I am right where I am supposed to be even as I acknowledge that this is not where I am supposed to stay. Life...recovery (I know longer draw a distinction between the two) is a journey not a destination. If I am not moving forward, then I am certainly headed in the wrong direction.

I am grateful for what I have been given. I am grateful for what has been taken away. I am grateful for what is left. I have learned that it is far better to embrace what I have than to pine for what I do not have. Life is good. My life is good.

It would be so easy to take total and complete credit for where I am at today but I know that isn't how I got here. I couldn't do this alone. God knows I tried time and again. I had to ask for help. I had to learn to accept the help that was offered. I had to be desperate enough to begin the process and willing enough each step of the way to do the next right thing. The tools to do that and the direction to take did not come from me. Those things came from those who shared their experience, strength and hope. I followed a well worn path tread by those who came before me. To those souls I shall be forever grateful.

Thank you for 6 years...one day at a time!