How 'bout spiritual correctness?

It's that time of year again when my INBOX collects diatribes on the "Merry Christmas" debate.

When I see those emails I am reminded of a time in this country when one said, "Season's Greetings," or perhaps, "Happy Holidays," not because it was politically correct but rather, just because. There was no hidden agenda. People just spoke from the heart of good tidings to their neighbors and even to strangers on the street. Funny how it is now so controversial, something that was said for so long with no intent to discount Christmas. Rather it was a general greeting inclusive of all the winter holidays...Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years...not meant to be exclusive of Christmas...not meant to be inclusive in a culturally diverse way...just a pleasant way of wishing folks well.

It leaves me with a certain sadness. It's not a sadness because we can't mention Christmas even. It is a sadness that even in wishing others well it has become so necessary to choose one's words so carefully. Then I think how often I've heard someone sneeze in the recent past and folks have said either, "Bless you," or "God bless you," without thinking twice.

What's wrong with just accepting good wishes from our fellows and just leaving it at that? It'd be nice if we could just say what was in our heart when addressing folks. It'd be nice if folks accepted well-wishes in the spirit of being given something of intrinsic value.

I think I shall continue to say whatever comes to mind first when I greet people this holiday season. Some times it will be "Season's Greetings," or "Happy Holidays," and other times it will be "Merry Christmas." I think it is most important that what I say be genuine. It's not the exact words that matter cause if the words, whatever they be, are not in the spirit of the season, then I've really given nothing.

Then again, maybe I just think too much!

this'n'that

Last night I saw the most beautiful sunset. I looked up from my computer and noticed the light show on the horizon. It was absolutely phenomenal! I couldn't believe it. The color was so deeply rich and amazingly full, exploding on the skyline. Mother nature sure can make quite the statement when she sets her mind to it!!!

Then this morning I woke up in unbelievable pain. OMG! I took two Ultram and just stayed put...didn't get out of bed until almost 11 AM. Even with the pain meds, I couldn't move well. I took my second dose of meds around supper time. Yet, I am still not able to stand upright. I can walk hunched over in kind of a hobbling sort of way.

I've been through so many tests...the CT scan (abdominal and pelvic), ultrasound (including transvaginal..UGH!), GI series, pap smear, x-rays, blood work not to mention being poked, prodded and examined by a gaggle of medical professionals on numerous occasions. I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm not sure what else to do.

I think it is worse right now cause I am late with my period. I should have started at the beginning of the month. So, today I am gifted with groin pain...on both sides mind you...not to mention burning, crampy pain going across my lower abdomen accompanied by back cramps. I hate my ovaries. REALLY!!! Whatever else is going on with this groin thing, my cycle is so not making things any better.

I am emotionally and physically exhausted. The anemia doesn't help. The only medication I can get causes serious constipation...which I cannot handle with the groin thing. The constipation makes my pain go through the roof. So I am not taking any iron right now. I was on Pruvate for the anemia and that was working without the constipation issue but now the pharmacy says they can only get SeVate, which is another generic that is equivalent. I beg to differ on the whole equivalency thing. Not being able to function cause the medicine causes constipation that causes pain that requires medication that also causes constipation is INSANITY, ABSOLUTE INSANITY! When I get to that point it is too painful to even TRY to have a bowel movement.

So, I have dozed on and off all day on the couch, with a heating pad on my lower back and another one across my lower abdomen while taking Ultram and existinging somewhere between hoping that I don't have to have another bowel movement today and praying that I do have another one that's gonna be the one that makes the pain dissipate.

I am not happy that I missed out on a beautiful day. I would have liked to go about my ordinary business of living. Convalescing sucks! And, I am sick and tired of doing it!!! Alas, the choice is not mine. And, the cramps are back and the groin pain is getting too intense...time to go hang with my heating pads. Being tethered to the wall is not a lot of fun but I am not as uncomfortable that way. I am going back to my couch...which is where I have been all day long...very, very long day.

Yuppers! It's time to plop down, plug-in and pass out...AGAIN!!!

WITH YOU

With you, the tic-toc of the clock takes on a whole new meaning.
Hours pass like seconds while time stands relentlessly still.
The love of a life happens in a single, sure beat of my heart
As forever whispers softly with every earthly breath I take.
Tomorrow and yesterday fade from shades of gray to black
While the eternal now consumes one moment of our lives together
Being with you, in our love, has shown me a glimpse of heaven.
As God's hourglass etches passing grains of sand upon my soul
In your presence, there is a timelessness that makes me whole.
This kindred spirit rejoices outside the bounds of time and space
Unending passion began within a magnificent God's bountiful grace.

Undrifted

Melancholy is the mysterious mayhem of midnight's madness
As slumber hides in recesses of unrelenting wakefulness.
Toss to turn tired tempted thoughts into this abysmal abyss.
Seek the sweet surrender to sleep's most serene bliss.
To drift,
Oh to waft...
Yes to float away on a river of dreaming world amiss
And to wander upon a state of illusion that simply is.
Wakefulness leads an over-weary head to wish for this.

To Dance A Wild Dream

Lay peaceful upon pillow's welcome rest
Between comfort of warm blankets
Upon slumbers chaotic breast.

Drift off to the disharmonious whirl of Id
Where subconcious ideation is openly hid
Nothing I've done is anything I did.

Beat pounds with grace in mind uncontrolled
With memory mixed with madness extolled
Insanity sashays delicate, yet bold.

Rhythm of unreality, elusive, so sweet
Has me whirling and twirling complete,
Victory be mine in this utter defeat.

There is no rhyme nor reason to extoll
My unfurled mind incomplete while whole
Dark, dancing images have gained control.

Will fancy take me to some place of delight,
Or to the hallowed recesses of untold fright,
What wild dreams will I dance with tonight?

THREE A.M.

Three A.M. and my butts out of bed,
What the hell is wrong with my head?

Well, it's not my head but my belly instead
Got that sensation that I've come to dread.

My gut's a rumbling and carrying on,
I wish this feeling would just be gone.

Wrapped in a blanket, pillow cuddled up to
Is something I'd really like to do.

Ah, to close my weary eyes for just a few.
What the hell am I gonna do?

Wish I could drift away to some dream state
But pain's priority, sleep will wait.

Want to bang my head against the wall
Let my brain into unconsciousness fall.

Alas, my neighbors are sound asleep
So I type and type without making a peep.

It's three A.M., no one to dial up at all
I sit at my keyboard awaiting slumber's call.

Yet I know when it's time to hit the hay again
It will still be about the pain that I'm in.

Frustration tangos in my disharmonious thoughts
With disconternations I seem to be fraught.
Slumber elusive, no matter that it's sought.

Warm Hearts, Warm Homes

So I decide to NOT go to the concert at the Westfield Congregational Church tonight. I gather up my jammies and start to drawn a bath. Well, 1 1/2 inches of water and it starts coming out freaking cold! UGH!

So what do I do? Hey! I can take a hint, a.k.a., a nudge from above. I get out of the frigid waters and toss on some clothes...AND AWAY I GO! I hiked down to the church...got there early even. It was nice. I got to talk with Bethany for a while before the event and Kelly afterwards. I was surprised to find Bethany in charge of the reception and my buddies Kelly and Joe in the show.

Anyway, I just got back from the "Warm Hearts, Warm Homes" concert. I am so glad that I went!!! I heard some beautiful music that touched me deeply and had some laughs thanks to a couple of 'runaway nuns' and Killingly-Brooklyn's own sit down comic. What a nice down home evening.

I would have loved to see more folks there. It was for a good cause. The interfaith group was raising money to help needy folks with their heat this winter. It was lovely to see the young and the old together in community, in the interest of helping. My heart is indeed much warmer for the experience!